Question #4

4. For question #2, what did you do differently from the original post? Please outline, explain and justify what you changed & why. Essentially, what did you learn from this new topic and what did you change and why. (8 Marks)

From my original introduction, there are a few things that I had to change. Starting with that very first line of text being the headline. I reviewed my feedback, and I needed to improve my first line to make mre attention grabbing. It definitely needed to have more details to tell the readers what my business is about. Adding in Pilates and Yoga to this headline helps the reader know what to expect before they actually start reading. From what we learned in class about headlines and plain language, this needed to catch attention but also be easy to understand for the reader. The second thing I did differently was refactoring my paragraph into short paragraphs. I’ve learned not to have any large pieces of text because, realistically, no one enjoys reading content like that. This was another point in my feedback to have bold text, short paragraphs and strategic formatting, which I made sure to have in my new post. I accomplish this by first dividing everything I already wrote into sections that re write, including bloated subheadings, and a section with bullet points. The section I have known with bullet points is on what makes the studio special. These points are on the studios offering like the class levels, Mat Pilates, Yoga and the Wellness Bar. This action is made intentionally for people who scan because they break down useful information to get. The last change that I made was when I was writing. I kept in mind Plain English to ensure this whole post is easy for someone who might be completely new to the world of fitness. Overall, I’m happy with how my new introduction post looks now and feel like it follows the F-Pattern and incorporates Plain English.